Dear 15 Year old me,
Dear 15yo me, I was thinking about you today. A song a heard on the radio got me thinking about how your sadness still carries through with me in a weird way. I don’t know if it’s the great loss of friendship you’ve faced since you went away. Or the loss of a loved one you think of each day.
Looking in the mirror I don’t see you any more. No traces of old or lines to follow to find my way back to you.
15 Year old me, I just wanted to let you know that I’m ok. Because the worst thing about life seems to have gone away. I was ever so lonely, and worried that would last forever. Despite having people, you were never part of the crowd.
As I’ve grown I’ve realised that the people who matter stick around. Those who don’t definitely do not deserve your time or attention.
I know you were worried about what the future held. Being different and having no point of reference for what the next few years could hold or the possibility of what opportunities were just around the corner must have been like staring into a black hole. I know; grow up, meet a man, get married and have kids was never an option, but let me tell you, we’ve come pretty close despite our differences.
I wish I could’ve told you that everything would be ok, and to trust those around you who enabled you to truly be yourself. Don’t ever stop being yourself, don’t give up on things you love, and continue to improve on the things you excel in.
Ask for help, don’t be afraid. It almost always comes from those who you least expect. Don’t hide your feelings.
NEVER BE ASHAMED OF WHO YOU ARE!
Take your time to get to know yourself better and don’t be afraid to love.
Befriend people who can help you understand yourself more instead of those who dictate how you should act.
I am so proud of you, 15 year old me. Of how strong and brave you were. It must’ve been so hard knowing your predisposition was the cause of your ill treatment by your peers. You taught me to fight for what is right, even if you are the only one fighting. You’ve helped me understand that we are all the same inside. Despite hurting so bad you accepted everyone for who they were, even if they were really not very nice.
And you 15 year old me are so beautiful, inside and out. I wish you would stop hurting yourself. The self destruction you inflict on yourself to cope with the conflict in your head will resolve itself. Eventually. Don’t hurt yourself.
I know you are so shy that compliments make you feel socially awkward, but receive them gracefully, it’ll get easier to love yourself.
If anyone was wondering what song it was that reminded me about 15 year old me:
Sia – Breathe me
I asked other people what advice they would give their 15 year old self.
Here are some of their answers:
Maddy Said: I wish I’d known that everything was going to get better. I was going to find someone who’d treat me better and end up having a child with him and marrying him. I’d find an amazing group of friends and find my place in the world, because when I was 15 I was feeling very lost. I’d just give 15-year-old me a hug and tell her it gets better
Grace Said: I wish I’d known that I wasn’t alone in my struggles with anxiety and depression. I wish I’d known that there are much better ways to deal with things than pushing the self destruct button and shutting down. And lastly I wish I’d known that one day everything would slot in to place. I’d find my soul mate and start a family with him and I’d look back at 15 year old me and feel like she was a stranger compared to the woman I am today. x
Amie Said: Nothing is going to go to plan. But your dad is right, plans are made to be broken. And everything will be absolutely fine. In fact, you’ll be better than fine.
Emma Said: That just because I hadn’t had a boyfriend yet did not mean I was a loser who was going to die alone. And that smoking in the park with the ‘cool’ kids most definitely does not make you cool!
Steph Said: I think everything happens for a reason so wouldn’t actually want to change how things panned out… but… I do wish I’d known how much more I suited my natural curly hair rather than the mess I caused with poor quality hair straighteners!
Amy Said: That regardless of what you do to try and hide your tracks, you parents will find out about every house party you try and throw whilst they are away.
Chantal Said: I wish I’d known that I wasn’t as big as I thought I was, and had more confidence in myself and just worn what I wanted instead of worrying whether I looked fat. I’m now ten years older and three stone heavier and I’d love to have the body I had then!
Talya Said:That snogging loads of boys at parties is not sexy or cool – but totally gross!
Tracey Said: That everything you want to do costs money, so aim for a high paying career to pay for it all!
Abbie Said: Don’t give into peer pressure, stick to being you!
Nancy Said: That people don’t really make those noises when they’re having sex.