Serious post alert!
So over the last couple of years, the way in which parental responsibility works with same sex couples has changed. Especially with the introduction of equal marriage.
When Trish was pregnant with Dylan we sought legal advice to wether or not I could obtain PR. As we weren’t in a civil partnership when she was conceived and we didn’t conceive via a clinic.
At the time we were advised that I could obtain PR through a default agreement with Trish. This meant that if for any reason she couldn’t provide care for Dylan I by proxy got her PR Temporarily. Or I could adopt.
We never really did anything as it was never an issue.
When we had Finn we were in the same boat. His care wasn’t really an issue, despite all of his medical issues. We went to most hospital and consultant appointments together. We have only ever seen the health visitor once. He has only just started school so again it wasn’t an issue.
The initial information we were given was that if we were to marry I would automatically get step parent PR.
(I have to point out at this stage that both children were given my surname when they were registered at the registry office as Trish was still married to her ex and had never changed her name back.)
Dylan has been at her current school since she was 4, she started in nursery and is now in year 4. We have only had 2 issues. One was that a teacher wouldn’t let her go as she wasn’t aware she had 2 mums and Trish usually picks her up. And the second slightly more serious issue was a Teaching assistant telling my very advanced for her age daughter that she was wrong for believe in that she has 2 mums.
There was a third
Worth mentioning because people really aren’t educated in family diversity. When it came to the point for Dylan to start nursery we had to endure the obligatory home visit. While asking about the schools policy in regards to whose name would go in her file as first contact I was asked if I had PR, to which I replied only by default. The main teacher (there were 3 of them) then informed me that if I didn’t have REAL PR then I wouldn’t be allowed to pick her up from school. This threw me a bit and I didn’t know what to say really but then it struck me…. What about grandparents, brothers/sisters, cousins or any other relative really, none of them have PR yet the school allowed them, no questions asked to pick the children up.
The only other massively upsetting issue was when dylan was about 3 or 4. She was taken to hospital with a case of spasmodic croup. In the first 2 hours of being at the hospital the staff had asked me 24 times wither we had a social worker, or if social services were involved in our family – JUST BECAUSE WE WERE A SAME SEX COUPLE WITH CHILDREN
Anyway, 8 years and 2 children on, the schools stance on me has changed. They are very guarded over the children’s school records. I have a few times had to ask them to add me back onto the children’s personal files as MOTHER.
So, realistically what I think I’m asking is wether you, people of the internet think it may be the time for me to start the Adoption process for the children.
This could potentially change their lives for the better. They would have both our names on their birth certificate (or adoption certificate)