Do you ever feel like you have to come out daily?
I do. I feel whenever I mention my relationship status that I have to explain that I’m married to a woman. Or that their preconceived idea of who I should be with is wrong.
I’m not sure straight people understand this but I’m sure I notify one of them daily who has assumed that I am straight by default, that in fact they’re wrong.
The being married thing is still quite new to me, we’ve only been married since August. But we’ve been together 10 years and those around me have always known (since I was about 15) that I am gay and therefore to them I’m just a person with a partner and they’ve all gained a new in-law. But to colleagues or clients, it’s like coming out all over again, and again, daily.
I’m not the sort of person who hides my sexuality, and I’m far from girly. My wife on the other hand is fairly girly, and looks straight. When people refer to her husband when she says she’s married, she doesn’t correct them. This is a pet peeve of mine, I wonder if she’s ashamed of being gay still? I mean we’ve been together for quite a long time, none of my previous relationships had exceeded 2 years, let alone ten! Obviously I know that she isn’t ashamed of me, but I’m quite an anxious person, and I do worry.
Why should I?
For my kids I feel this is an issue as well. We constantly have to reiterate to school, or doctors that we are both their parents. They have to constantly remind people or inform staff that they have two mums. I feel there is a gap in the teaching of family dynamics where it is more acceptable for a child to live with a relative or be in care than it is to have 2 same sex parents, who without a doubt went out of their way and comfort zones to have children. children who have been proven by science to live happier more successful lives due to the fact that they were wanted and nurtured by two caring parents, regardless of gender.
I hate coming out again and again. But what I hate more is the people who angle the conversation, indirectly, at your sexuality to coax you out. Just incase you didn’t know you were gay. Or the people who suddenly know loads of gay people when you mention you’re gay. The ones that get me the worst are the ones who are clearly uncomfortable with it but all of a sudden their best friend is a lesbian.