I often get asked really inappropriate questions about my children, usually in front of the children.
I am never shocked when some intrigued muppet decides it’s their right to know the ins and outs of my children’s biology.
Personally I find it an ample opportunity to educate instead of taking it to heart, I know that our family setup isn’t mainstream but there is nothing odd about it. Our children have two parents who wanted them dearly, they were not mistakes – we planned meticulously for them and when they came we were overjoyed.
So here is a list of the most asked questions and how we answer them.
Q: So, Who is the real Mum?
A: We are both the real Mum, however my wife carried all of the children so that they are blood siblings.
Q: How did you have them? Did you use a turkey baster?
A: We used a donor who we are still in contact with. He was lovely and helped us achieve the family we really wanted.
Q: How much did it cost to have them?
A: Although some people have babies through a clinic we chose to do it privately at home where we were comfortable. It was very relaxed and we feel it was the best option for us. It didn’t cost us anything except time and dedication.
Q: Where is their dad?
A: My children don’t have a dad, they have a donor and two mums. If they were to ever want to know more than this then because we have maintained a good relationship with the donor it would never be an issue.
Q: Who is their “Father figure” or male role model?
A: We have a very good family and friend network which includes several men. They have access to uncles, grandparents and male cousins. As well as this we try and make their upbringing as well rounded as possible. We do not assign gender roles to household duties or maintenance. Both of us pitch in for the “man jobs” and the children love to help and learn.
Q: Do you have a social worker?
A: *i often get asked this by medical professionals when I let slip that I’m the non-bio Mum.*
Why would being the non biological mum automatically make visible to social services? (Watching the squirm is the best part of this)
Q: Do the children know how they were conceived?
They don’t know the ins and outs but if they ever wanted to know we wouldn’t hide it from them. I think that there will always be a natural curiosity about where they come from and we aren’t upset about this. So far tho, they aren’t really old enough for the no holes barred version.
Q: What do the children call you?
So the older 2 call me Vic. I have never encouraged them to call me anything different and its their choice… They were here before me and I am not here to replace any of their existing parents, therefore Vic is fine by me.
The younger two both call Trish Mum, Mummy Trish or Finn calls her Normal Mummy. They make their own minds up as to what to call us. Im Mummy Vic to both.
When she was pregnant with Dylan we talked about what we wanted to be called. But as soon as they can talk it all changed and they made up their own mind.
Q: Would you be bothered if your children were gay?
Not at all. As long as they are happy I couldn’t care who they fall in love with. I think that if we stop focusing on who people sleep with the world would be a happy place!
Q: Wont they turn out gay?
This question annoys me. My parents are straight, their parents were straight. Their being straight didn’t influence me one but, except maybe making me a bit ashamed and caused me to hide that I was gay. I don’t think its genetic. Its a predisposition, nobody choses to be a minority!
Q: What if they want to know the Dad?
My children do no have a “Dad”, They have a donor. But if they ever wanted to know where they come from i would happily tell them. We’ve already had questions which were easily answered. And they seemed content with the answers. I think the curiosity comes more from the fact that our family is slightly different to those of their friends and their friends have asked them.
If you would like to ask us a question, feel free to email us or click here. All questions are anonymous.